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This year marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the words this generation is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {